but of course.. i got a big X. but it didnt matter to me because i know that im good in that subject. This man & his family are toxic. Maybe is because Im from a hispanic culture, but to me, parents are the absolute law. I have only myself to blame for the bad because I didnt work hard enough. She is emotionally abusing you & you don't have to take this. They don't realize that children need positive reinforcement. Your father wants you to be subordinate to him in order to elevate his low self-esteem. Thanks. Question: Why do I feel so guilty when my father points out my siblings flaws? Many parents fail to realize this. they only care about my grades and that I should go to a Ivy League collage! 2 Andrew Weill three grown children at least Author has 24.8K answers and 188.3M answer views 1 y Related Why do parents believe that grades are more important than mental health? It's so frustrating and demoralizing. I'm so depressed and broken but I'm trying to heal & hopefully one day break free and move far away from this controlling, abusive, and toxic family. Imagine a league of kids with low self confidence. Truth be told, I'm moderately smart but exceptionally creative and talented. She had to work, even as a young child, for the most basic things - a uniform and and stationery - so she could attend school. Often, they consider their offspring's goals "unrealistic" and "lofty." Obsessing over a child's grades and making that the determining factor for your happiness as a parent is a bad decision. They're gonna make more money than me." Some apply corrective or disciplinary methods that can verge on emotional or verbal abuse which damage their children's self-esteem. To Everyone being castigated , Blindsided . What should I do to improve my relationship with my mother? My parent (s) do support my learning, my mom especially . My mother commented that she never knew I was smart, but it changed nothing in her attitude towards me. Tell them you want to hear when theyre proud, not just when theyre disappointed. Your father is abusive & his behavior is inexcusable. Well, some individuals have goals and aspirations which are dramatically different and rare. How To Deal With Teenagers: How Bad Is Peer Pressure, And Can Parents Influence The Peer Group? If you want to get notified by every reply to your post, please register. A child's GPA is not always an accurate reflection of their innate intellectual capacity. I was pushed into gifted programs in school. Your parents & brothers are toxic-GET AWAY FROM THEM! Give them help if they need it and don't put undue pressure on them to get good grades at all costs. You call in the help phoned sometimes, but they are often kids or inexperienced I don't know I'm not passing judgment but we never click, I just end up getting disconnected. I'm 29 this year, having suicidal thoughts become normal to me till one day I decided to become my own self-motivator. My mother was did all of this, and molested me. They still came in first, they didn't need me anyways. But an under-achiever. Went to Mazatlan every summer for about 1 month at least everyone of those 18 yrs. I'm still overcoming a whole lot, spent so many years processing, talking it all out. Question: My parents are forcing me to attend school in my country when I know its not going to work out for me. Find other relatives who love & care for you. They tell themselves that the child will appreciate this one day. i also forgot to add i really badly wanted a phone im 14 and my cousins are younger then me and also there are some older then me i planned of what phone im going to get of coarse apple i told my mom and she said that she doesn't have enough money for it and then my cousin asked the one who is a year older then me she is getting him a phone on black friday last year my mom got phones for my aunt and one of my cousins, i remmember when my mom gets mad she tells me to die and that if i was dead it would be easier for the family and that she wouldn't have to constantly yell at me my mom says that im a disgracful peice of shit to this family, funny how all 10 describe my parents your typical asian parents also such a coincidence my mother was talking to my younger cousin over the phone she's i think 12 and im 14 and she's comparing her and my sister with me always telling my flaws to others and making a bad picture of me i feel humiliated and disgraced of myself i hate myself of who i am now i think of myself lowly now my self esteem is destroyed now no matter how much i talk back to that voice of negitivity i lose every time it proves to me that this is what I am a peice of shit and nothing more my mother never shows her love to me it was always my sister and my mother and father only care about my grades that is it i struggle with math and i stepped from a D to an B and then something happened between witch caused me to drop my grade down to a D again and they gave me a 2 hour lecture about how im nothing without my grades and that if i don't step up my grades they will send me to a hostel my hobby is art is shut down i live art and no one can stop me from doing what i love so lunch at school or secret art classes is the only time i get to do the thing i love, Amazing how all 10 describe my parent i guess that's just typical asian parent(chinese descent), all my school and university of my choice got shot down, all jobs,hobby, and things that i like to do,even if i tried taking over the family business like they themself WANTED all shot down, demanding a perfect girlfriend,all my female friend got shot down no one can stand my parent,and they demand grandkids,now i don't even want to marry or have children, i tried talking to my grandma and other relative that is "higher" in position than them,they talk to my parent,then they change for the better for about 1 week..after that they become worst than the last and how dare i talk about bad thing about them to the relative and shaming them, i tried bringing them to the psychologist,they got advice bla bla,same thing happen 1 week wonderful parent,after that they become worst and worst, i tried cutting off contact and they harping to all my relative and acquaintance of how ungrateful and bad children i am,if i really want to cut off from them i have to cut off from other family member and friend that i have or they will try to find out where i am from them and destroy my life again and again and again, oh and how super religious they are how active they are in church they are literally think themself as holyman that cannot do any wrong,smiting me for how evil i am but they are not looking at the mirror themself of how they think they are servant of god and how they really act,i even tried talking about their situation with the help of the bible i quote some verse and they smite me again about how dare i use the bible against them. I don't think I'd fight back if someone choked me to death. At-home entertainment ideas for women about to give birth, Educate your teenager about internet safety, Top ten questions for your doctor or midwife, Prenatal care - talking to your OB about pregnancy symptoms. I hung out in my cave like room or over at my friend's house as a teen. Yeah right to my face and I was only 11or 12! At least that what my family says. No more getting grounded or bitched at etc. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on June 13, 2018: This article is right on point. He thought I was just a real close friend of the family! Enter to win here! Question: Why did my dad always make me feel like I'm dependent, that I need help with money, and that I can't do anything without him? Though I did live in a brand new house custom built. After that, I would be placed in the closet for who knows how long. What should I do? Answer: No, but I suggest that you obtain psychiatric counselling and disassociate yourself from your father. Don't blame them. She once read my diary which I wrote about how I feel unappreciated, useless because of all the things she said to me. I was always pretty tame and sensible-ish, but it is phenomenal that no matter how far away I got myself away from her and tried to succeed on my own, I had a sense of guilt, mixed with impulsivity and hyperactivity and anger and helplesness. I already told God and I know he's already helping me. This is wrong as each child is unique. Whenever I do want to hang with my friends she makes me feel bad by saying"does nothing else happen and what is going on in ur brain." People help themselves. Well, continuous harping about mistakes to a child is tantamount to abuse. My goodness. I have big concern for a friend. That is how I feel but I am shy to talk about it. It is extremely saddening that parents always think that they are doing the right things from 1-10 and are ignorant of the psychological effects that will forever imprint on the child future and well being. but whenever i talk to them about these thoughts, they insist it's because i havent eaten properly. last bit would be that my mother wouldn't praise any of the good i did, she would be so uninterested that slowly i just stopped caring for my family's approval while also stopping what i loved doing. head wounds ! And even though I want a career in art and my mom and dad support me, they still talk as if I'm going to end up just like them. Children are still developing and they require a lot of positive attention and care, comparing them to others is not the correct way to go about it. I just photoshopped my report card my entire highschool career. One day, your parents won't be there and you wish they were. They plan their children's lives from birth to marriage to career and beyond. You can't learn if you don't try. She really really wanted an extremely smart kid. Answer: It is called denial. Please get help. And this country has become a country of snowflake children. I fully understand that my own upbringing - very strict an seemingly harsh - was luxurious and easy by comparison and that stops me from feeling sorry for myself. Again, parents need to check their egos and loosen up a bit. My mom he found in Mazatlan Mex and brought her here.) I am passive, I think everyone else has more power. She constantly tells me I'll probably never make it in the music business and to focus on my office job. Joint counseling will get issues out in the open. Question: My mom only cares about my grades more than me and is a control freak. They want their children to succeed in life and in their vision, only good grades lead to a successful life. My heart rips itself apart going through the thought. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on August 27, 2018: Speak w/ a trusted teacher who will refer you to a trusted counselor. kindergarten girlfriends. :). I'm super curious and I just want to know the why but then I am always talking back. Many parents want their kids to be as physically and emotionally flawless as possible. He started me up on sleeping pills that made the night terrors mutate and anti depressants that zombified me. A PROFESSIONAL Voice Actor will reco. I wouldn't want to cause them pain, and I have just naturally never fought for my life. I am perfectly happy with what I do. But why, would I ever intentally harm anyone or anything? I cant wait until I get to leave but Ive still got to wait another 5 years. really, a lot of things are wrong with me because of my parents. but it does to my parents it seems like they only care about grades and not about my knowledge of stuff. and now they keep asking why i hate them so much,AND how the bible said to care about your parent,your parent is the number one.. um what about the children?nope bible didn't say anything about that for them.. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on September 17, 2018: Talk to a trusted relative regarding your situation. For them, the mantra is that their children are to obey and nothing else. Second therapist is known locally for being pretty good. 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